|Posted on January 29, 2012 at 8:35 PM|
Love and Choice
I came across this article the other day and it struck me about two basic principles that people have seemed to have forgotten: love and choice. Actress Cynthia Nixon, who played Miranda on Sex and the City, was previously married to a man and has his children; she has since found love with a woman who she now shares a child with.
Recently, she was speaking to a gay empowerment group and her comments were taken out of context when she refused to change the wording to her speech ahead of time. Cynthia fired back when she said, “I gave a speech recently, an empowerment speech to a gay audience, and it included the line ‘I’ve been straight and I’ve been gay, and gay is better.’And they tried to get me to change it, because they said it implies that homosexuality can be a choice. And for me, it is a choice,” she said. “I understand that for many people it’s not, but for me it’s a choice, and you don’t get to define my gayness for me. A certain section of our community is very concerned that it not be seen as a choice, because if it’s a choice, then we could opt out. I say it doesn’t matter if we flew here or we swam here, it matters that we are here and we are one group and let us stop trying to make a litmus test for who is considered gay and who is not.
“Why can’t it be a choice? Why is that any less legitimate? It seems we’re just ceding this point to bigots who are demanding it, and I don’t think that they should define the terms of the debate. I also feel like people think I was walking around in a cloud and didn’t realize I was gay, which I find really offensive. I find it offensive to me, but I also find it offensive to all the men I’ve been out with.”
I have to agree with the stance that Cynthia is making. Homosexuality is a choice for some people, and I know some people for whom it is not a choice, it is an inborn genetic trait. My young male friend in middle school certainly didn’t choose for people to scream “faggot” as he walked down the halls, he didn’t choose to be ostracized for something he felt was very natural. I didn’t just choose to care about him; he was a lovable and funny guy who made me smile. And for once, a guy didn’t want to get down my pants.
We choose the ones we love all of the time, so it really doesn’t matter whether homosexuality is a choice or not. This world is lacking so much love and compassion anymore, so when you can find love, embrace it for however long it lasts. And that is a choice each individual can make at any time.
We have all been judged from time to time for our choice in mate, however unfair those judgments may have been. Those relationships may have lasted or not, but the point is that this topic is gender and sexual orientation neutral. We all make a choice every day to stay in relationships for different reasons. We choose to leave for different reasons, but it is all a choice.
I find it highly doubtful that someone chooses to enter into a relationship with a member of the same sex for any other reasons than straight couples do. And that is why civil rights should exist for everyone because gay or straight, in the end, we are all responsible for the choices we make in our relationships and in our lives. It is called being human.